How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
