There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
