Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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