So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
