I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
