i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
