cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
