All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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