How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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