Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
