Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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