i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
