I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
