Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
