I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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