The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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