apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
