So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
