Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize