they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You may now shotgun with the bride
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
