Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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