Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
