so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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