It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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