I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
