I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
