Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize