Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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