"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
