I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
