she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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