My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
