Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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