All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize