Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
