Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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