ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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