Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
