Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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