Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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