I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need moral support for this bender
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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