I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
