is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
