hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
