So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
