Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
