Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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