I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
