margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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