He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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