This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
