It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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