I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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