Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize