The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
