I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
