Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
