wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
