I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
