HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
