Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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