I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
